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  • Writer's pictureRossana Snee

The Flip Side of Rejection!

When I was 25 years old, I fell in love. Or so I thought. I was young, impressionable, and ready for love. Jim was 10 years my senior, could sing, play the guitar, and knew just how to capture an innocent beauty with his charms.

After three months or so, and after declaring his undying love for me, Jim disappeared without a word. I had been ghosted. Pain shot through me unrelentingly. I had been rejected with no explanation. There was no closure, nothing to hold onto to help me understand what happened, and why.

That was nearly three decades ago. And as it turns out, that rejection proved to be an exceptional thing. More on that in a minute. Read on...

At one point or another, you've been rejected. And if you haven't been yet, it's more than likely that you will be. It's a natural occurrence in life. And it hurts. Bad! Rejection can show up in many ways—from a click in high school, a co-worker, a boss, a parent, a sibling, a love interest, etc. No matter how it manifests, you'll feel its sharp sting.

When we are rejected we often doubt ourselves. Our self-esteem takes a hit, and we begin to question everything we do in an effort to understand what happened. Why was I rejected? Did I do something wrong? Am I not good enough? Can I do something to change things?

More often than not, you will never know why you were rejected. It just happens, and usually leaves you in a heap of distress.

But what if I told you that instead of viewing rejection as an enemy, you should view it as a friend instead. A friend that is all about you and your future well-being.

Let's take a look at rejection, and its flip side. And yes, there is a flip side!

1) Projection

When you are rejected, it is not necessarily because of who you are. The person doing the rejecting is judging you through their psychological lens, their inner turmoil. They're perceiving you from a lifetime of experiences that have little, if anything, to do with you. That's why it cannot be taken personally.

Allow me to illustrate. Suppose that on a dark, winter day, a masked intruder breaks into your house. At one point during the break-in, he takes off his mask. From your hiding place, you see that he is tall, dark-haired, and has a goatee. After the intruder gets what he wants, he leaves. You count your lucky stars.

Months later, your good friend tells you about her handsome friend, Micah; she thinks you might be interested enough to go on a date with him. "He's really nice," she says. Excitedly, she shows you his picture. He's tall, dark-haired, and sports a goatee. Immediately, you say, "No way! I'm not going out with that guy. There's something about him that I can't trust. Find someone else to go with him." Should Micah take your rejection personally? Absolutely not. You are projecting onto Micah your visions of the intruder all those months ago.

This type of thing happens all the time in many different situations. Projection is very powerful. Keep that in mind next time you are rejected. And then there's...

2) Protection

Remember my little love story about the guy who ghosted me? Well, as it turns out, the man who left me in bits and pieces was a Vietnam Vet with PTSD. He was married, had been arrested for breaking his wife's nose, and had a child with said wife. would seem that his leaving me was actually a good thing. His rejection turned out to be a protection.

Often, what we think we want isn't at all what we want, or necessarily good for us. Today, married to my best friend for 33 years, I thank God that I was rejected by that man. Rejecting me was the greatest gift he could have given me.

Can you think of times in your life when you were rejected? Are you able to see a projection from someone whose rejection you took personally? Perhaps, looking back now you can see how you ended up being protected in the long run.

Take a trip down memory lane. Recall some of the rejections you've experienced. Are you maybe glad now that it happened?

From now on, don't take rejection at face value. Flip the coin and see it for what it really is—an opportunity for growth and happiness.

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