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  • Rossana Snee

Loving Someone Who Doesn't Love Back!


“Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares.”

~William Shakespeare


One of the most painful things we can experience in life is unrequited love. The sting of it is feels almost worse than anything else. Why? Because it's rejection, and we humans don't fair too well with that.


Rejection hurts! We’ve all felt this at one point or another. Most of us take rejection very personally, even though there is a flip side to it.

Some people, unfortunately, can't bear the painful prick of being rejected and become obsessed with their “Love.” They feel that they can't be whole unless they're with that particular person.


Case in point, I was recently talking with a client. Her boyfriend, after only one year, left her. She was beside herself. Her self-esteem plummeted, and her confidence...well, she had none. This, after only one year! I asked her, "So for 29 years you've been this self-sufficient young woman, and now you feel "unlovable" because one guy chose not to be with you?" She couldn't make sense of it herself.


Yes, I admit that rejection truly hurts. Who hasn't felt badly, devastated even, after being left? But you have to keep things in perspective. You were a whole person before they showed up in your life, and you will be after they've left. If you let despair get the better of you, things can appear hopeless, even when they're not. That creates the potential for danger.


Here's what I've heard from people who've been left...

"My life is meaningless."

"My self-esteem is gone!"

"I'm so depressed!"

"I don't feel like doing anything."

"Every song, poem, sad love story, reminds me of them."

"There's no joy in my life."


These people are suffering from:


Listlessness

Anxiety

Disturbed sleep

Hopelessness


If you have been left, what can you do to navigate through your painful emotions? How can you manage your situation, your sadness?


Here are some suggestions:


1) Realize that not all unions are meant to last. In a lifetime, we meet many people. Some are meant to stay for a short time, others for longer, some for a lifetime.


2) Ask yourself, "Who was I in love with? Was it the idea? Or an image I created in my mind?" Explore why you've lost yourself in that person. What was it about them? What is it about you?

3) Don’t neglect your friends, family, your LIFE! They are important during this time of grieving.

4) REMEMBER: THIS TOO SHALL PASS! (I know this, not because I'm psychic, but because everything does).


5) Do activities that are logical, that require you to think.

6) Rediscover who you were; get back into your hobbies.


7) Get outside for walks; go for hikes. Nature can be very healing.

You may not believe this, but you won’t always feel that way.


Know this: Just because someone leaves you doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something wrong with you. It just means you weren't the right fit. Be glad they left. That leaves you open for the right person to walk into your life.


Hold out for the person who will love you for you! They're out there. And now that you're free, well, they could show up at any time.


And think about this...Pursuing someone who doesn’t want you is a surefire way to lose all dignity and respect. Don't chase someone who doesn't want to get caught.

Grieve and move forward. You're going to be OK! You've survived worse things and you're still here!

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