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  • Writer's pictureRossana Snee

If You See A Ghost, Go Right Through It!

No, I'm not talking about an actual ghost. If you actually did "see" one of those, I would suggest running for your life. Do not stop. Do not collect $200.00. Just run.

What I am talking about are ghosts that represent your demons, your barriers, your past hurts. That which keeps you stuck in a never-ending loop. That which keeps you stuck in depression, anxiety, anger, etc. Running away from these types of ghosts keep the ghosts in place, haunting you at every opportunity.

That with which you don't deal, gets pushed down deep inside of you; it does not disappear, however. As long as it remains inside of you, the potential for it hurting you is always there.

Let's take for example a grizzly breakup. Suppose your wife leaves you. She takes everything, including your French Bulldog. Despite your obvious loss, you decide that you're OK. After all, she wasn't that good to you. And Frenchie was always leaving a mess around the house. There is some sadness there, but every time it starts to come up, you go drinking with your buddies, work extra long hours, pick up a golf club, and so on. You make yourself busy. You don't allow your sadness to come up at all. Months go by and you're feeling pretty good. You've even started eyeing the cute Admin with the long legs in the Sales Department. You decide to take the plunge and ask her out.

Your first date is fabulous. It's at a park surrounded by a beautiful lake. Out of no where a woman with a French Bulldog walks by. Suddenly, without realizing why, you start to feel sad. You're no longer having fun with the cute Admin. What happened? Seeing the dog activated your hurts--your wife leaving and taking the dog. You start to relive the abandonment all over again. Because you didn't deal with your pain, your ghost, the pain resurfaces.

At this point, you can take a look at it, feel the hurt, and start to let it go for good. OR, you can hop in bed with the cute Admin and push the pain down once more, leaving the opportunity for it to resurface again the next time you see a Frenchie look-alike.

The ghosts you have don't have to remain ghosts. They become ethereal only because you hide from them. The moment you shine a spotlight on them, feel whatever emotion is associated with them, you are one step closer to freeing yourself.

So what to do? Here are (3) tips to help you get rid of those ghosts without having to call Ghostbusters!

1. When a hurtful situation arises, allow yourself to grieve; to feel the pain. Do this until the pain starts to diminish. The more you look at it, the less intense it will become. It make take a while, but it will. Do not stuff it down. That's the best way to keep that ghost haunting you forever. You don't want that, do you?

2. When the sadness comes, let it bathe you. Sit down and feel it. It shouldn't last anymore than a couple of minutes. Imagine a wave coming at you. It comes, gets you wet, then it leaves again. You can handle that, can't you? An emotion, no matter how painful, cannot kill you! And remember, emotions are neither good nor bad. They just are.

3. When you start to feel the sadness, write it down in detail. Write everything you can about your experience, why it hurts, how you feel in its wake. Writing is very cathartic. Doing this will also result in distancing you from what happened. It's like you're writing a novel. You become the narrator of your life.

We all experience things that are hurtful. It's part of the human experience. Remember, that nothing, good or bad, will last forever. You can't hold on to a beautiful moment, and you won't be stuck in a monstrous one, either.

You are resilient. You can persevere. Give yourself time. And no matter what, you will be OK. The key is simply to look at the pain, then let it go.

Then you are free!

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