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  • Writer's pictureRossana Snee

"I'm really sorry, BUT it's your fault!"

If you point the finger at someone else, you've got three coming back at you.

We all make mistakes. That's a fact. If you don't think you do, then you're in denial. There are times when you inadvertently hurt someone's feelings, repeat something that was told in confidence, break something, forget to do something you were supposed to do, back into someone's car, etc. This and more, would be reason enough for an apology.

Sometimes, however, PRIDE gets in the way. It prevents you from stepping down, from admitting you've made a mistake, from making amends and moving on. Pride is devoid of love. It will keep you stuck in a sort of hellish existence. I used to know someone that never apologized. No matter what. She would say things and do things that were clearly wrong. And even though it was obvious to everyone, she said nothing; Never admitted to any wrongdoing. It was always someone else's fault. Why is it important to apologize?

Apologizing when you we've committed a wrongdoing validates the other person's feelings. It lets them know that you're sorry for your part in the hurtful situation. Some people don't like to apologize because it renders them vulnerable. They feel as though apologizing, even if they know they're wrong, will make them appear like a weak individual. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Apologizing only earns you respect. The other person feels honored, validated. More often than not, they will forgive you on the spot.

Here are some guidelines to help with your apologies:

1) Admit that what you did was hurtful.

2) Ask how you can repair the situation.

3) Let the person know that to the best of your ability, it won't happen again.

4) Be sincere. Any insightful person will be able to see right through a weak and artificial apology.


1) Apologize and say, "But..." after your apology. You immediately delete what came before it.

Here are some examples:

A) "I'm really sorry, but if you hadn't been in my way, I wouldn't have stepped on your foot."

B) "I'm really sorry, but you really got me mad."

C) "I'm really sorry, but it's your fault."

Next time you do something that you shouldn't have or you've clearly hurt another person, step it up. Apologize. Get it over with, but mean it. It will be a great feeling all around.

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