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  • Writer's pictureRossana Snee

Are You in a Dangerous Relationship?

Are you in a relationship that can possibly turn your life into a living hell? Many women and men, as well, start out in relationships starry-eyed and walking on Cloud Nine because they think they've found The One. But the One I'm going to talk about here may not be the One at all, not in the sense of, "I found my soul mate and I couldn't be any happier." What you may have found is the One that will destroy your life as you know it.

Let's find out if you're dating someone you shouldn't be. There are plenty of warning signs, red flags, if you will. Unfortunately, most people are so blinded initially, that they don't see them. I'm here to help you become aware of those signs and hopefully help you avoid a nightmare.

The red flags to watch out for are:

Sign Number 1: Jealousy

Example: You're about to go out dancing. The minute Jason sees you in your dress, his eyes go dark. "You're not wearing that, are you?" he asks. You're surprised by his comment and ask him why not. His response, "It's too short! I don't want any other man ogling my woman." You might feel flattered and think, That's so sweet! He doesn't want anyone else paying attention to his woman. Beware! This could be the start of something bad, especially if you've noticed that he's constantly keeping track of you. "Hey, babe, where are you? Who are you with? When are you coming home? Miss you!" You are not a 16-year-old that needs parental supervision. This type of behavior is definitely one that should have you on high alert.

Sign Number 2: Fear

Are there times during your relationship that you feel a little scared? Maybe there's a look you've noticed when you've done something of which he doesn't approve. The look may be subtle, but obvious to you. Or he may say, "If you ever leave me, I'll make sure no one else can have you." This may be said as a joke, but be careful. Many a true word is said in jest. If you feel any fear at all, it's time to bail out of the relationship. You should never be afraid of your partner. If you find yourself thinking,Oh my God, look at the time! Jim's going to kill me if dinner isn't ready when he gets home. That's another red flag, especially if you really believe he's going to become furious when his dinner is not on the table.

Sign Number 3: Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Have you noticed any personality or mood inconsistencies? No, I don't mean that you noticed that he was a little down after his car accident when he's usually really happy. Here's an example of what I do mean. You're out to dinner. Ken asks for fillet mignon, rare. When it arrives at the table, it's not. He blows a gasket. Starts yelling at the server and threatens he will have her fired for the despicable service! Then he turns to you as sweet as can be. Be on alert. More than likely he's making adjustments for you. No one runs that hot and cold. If he continuously treats others disrespectfully and you like a queen, there's something very wrong. And of course, if he's treating you with disrespect as well, then you know 100% that you've got a serious problem on your


Sign Number 4: Speedy Gonzales

I know it's exciting when you first start dating your new hunk, but be hyper vigilant. If your new partner is jumping in with both feet, wants to meet your family, friends, and pick out a name for the dog you're going to adopt, after your second date, run for the hills! If you feel flattered about this, don't. This is a person who doesn't have a realistic perspective of relationships. He has no boundaries of which to speak. This is a person that will be constantly keeping tabs on you. He is basing his happiness on you and only you. He may be hanging on your every word. This is a man with problems. Lots of problems. Get out while you can. Don't fall for the lines he's feeding you. No, you are not the most "amazing woman" he's ever met. Even if he says, "I can't wait to introduce you to my Mom this weekend! She's going to love you!" Or, "Sex has never been this good with anyone else." Really? Get the hook out of your mouth. You may be great, I'm not saying you're not, but hey, it's only been two dates and he can already tell you're the most amazing woman? Save your amazingness for a man who is willing to discover who you really are over a healthy period of time. Speedy Gonzales has no place in your life.

Sign Number 5: Warnings

Usually when one starts out in a new relationship, most people are blinded to the flaws and can only see the extraordinary parts. Friends and family, however, are not so blind. After all, they are not sleeping with him/her. If your friends or family, basically anyone you trust, starts saying things like, "Hmmm, I don't know, there's something about him I don't like. He seems so possessive." Or, "I don't like the way his eyes followed you the whole evening, his visage darkening every time he saw you talking to another man." Pay attention to what your friends and family tell you. They have a clearer picture of the person because they're steps away from him. It's like looking at a piece of art. Sometimes in order to really see it, you have to step back. You may not be able to, but your loved ones usually can.

Sign Number 6: Abuse

This is obvious, but still, there may be some of you out there who are blinded, even to this. If you were abused as a child, or witnessed abuse in any form while growing up, then you may have learned to equate love with abuse. They are not the same. Far from it. Any type of abuse, be it verbal or physical, should not be endured. It does not mean he loves you. If your guy is verbally abusive, you may think, Oh, it's not so bad! Yes, it is. It's disrespectful. Verbal abuse is often a precursor to physical violence. You don't need that kind of "love" in your life. Get out before you bring children into the mix!

These are just a few of the warning signs. Read these over carefully. Re-read them if necessary. Take peremptory steps to find out who you're dating. I've talked to women married to dangerous men who've told me, "But I never saw anything weird or alarming while we were dating!" It's probably true they didn't see too clearly, but they did see something and just ignored it while making excuses for his inappropriate actions.

Recently, there was a deadly duck boat accident in southwestern Missouri. Seventeen people on the Ride the Ducks Branson perished when the boat capsized and sank. Whole families taken off the earth map. Before the boat took off, already the waters were stormy and whipping up intense winds and waves. In fact, Branson had been placed under severe thunderstorm warning. The signs were pretty obvious that it wasn't a good time to go on a cruise, yet 31 people on board thought it was OK. Had the people heeded the storm warnings and not gotten on the boat, no one would have died.

When you start to date someone, look for the signs. Don't get on the ride, and if you do, get off at the first signs of trouble.

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